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Deep Shit
May 3, 2007Man, I'm in deep shit.
Couple of days ago, my landlady told me that her daughter is gonna use the space that I'm renting, and that I have to move out in June. Hey, no worries, right? There are a million of apartments in the metro. Still, my habitat was threatened, and I got worried. So, being the damsel in distress that I am, I ran to Mr. Loverboy.
Now, I told you that Mr. Loverboy is ultra conservative. Read my second entry if you must.
I told Mr. Loverboy that when I move into a new apartment, I want him to move in with me. After all, we've been steadies for more than half a decade, and I've been in Manila for four years now. Know what Mr. Loverboy said? We can't live together under one roof unless we get married. And I said, fine we'll get married, but for once, samahan mo naman ako mamuhay dito.
Of course, his "values" prevailed, he was very firm in telling me no can do. And to cut this bullshit short, I broke up with him last night. And I don't know if I did the right thing. He's the only one I have here… except for a handful of relatives and friends.
I was so sad last night, I rang up my daddy and told him that we have broken up. I was prepared to hear him say, I Told You So, but he said, I'll be on the next plane this saturday. And that even made me sadder. I am so ashamed of what I did, choosing Mr. Loverboy over my family. And Now, I'm done with him, I move my ass back to my family. I am sooo not worth of their love and concern.
And then suddenly, my cell kept on beeping messages and ringing endlessly. My father alerted the entire clan about the break up. Distant relatives offered refuge. Even my sister whom I don't really care about called me! I was overwhelmed.
And today, I woke up… and the first thought was: What the fuck have I done???
I am suddenly so scared… I have nothing without Mr. Loverboy. In the first place, he's the very reason why my fat ass is here in Manila. What will I do without him? How will I go on? Makakaya ko ba ito? Pano na ako bukas, sa sabado, linggo??
Friends, did I do the right thing? If you're girlfriend is in my shoes, would you move in with her? Am i just being too demanding and aggressive?
I need your answers and opinion. Thank you.
Previous Comments
Just keep on moving, fighting, work hard. Focus on your future. I was just surprised about the fact that you broke up after about half a decade. Sad. Oh well, that’s life. You gotta be strong. Goodluck! Exlinks!
Posted by Louis at May 3, 2007, 10:48 pmI agree with wits na da nerve dapat magpaka-dependent sa boiffs.. pero nakakalungkot naman ang walang kasama diba? nakakamiss.. lalo na that you’ve been with him for quite some time na..
im in a relationship now and we are 2yrs and counting.. i saw how i become so dependent to him, but that didn’t make a lesser me..
im still young and i can’t share any lectures or what.. but all i can say is, LOVE will make all things posible.. pero it is your choice what those things are.
Posted by Cai at May 3, 2007, 10:53 pmand oh btw, love is not just fucking anyway! hehe..
not all couples (who are not yet married) sleep together, live together and wake up together.. *no offense*
mahirap maghanap ng super bait na boiffs, ung super magalang at marunong rumespeto.. kaya swerte ko kasi nakahanap ako.. hehe
I just stumbled upon your blog and forgive me for the comments I am about to make.
You asking your boyfriend to move in with you was quite sudden and done for all the wrong reasons. It sounded more like an escape from the hardships of life and he was the ticket out.
Please, try to see your value in all of this and stretch your wings further than you’ve ever done. Fear is natural, but i tell you this, we fear a lot of things that if you really think about it shouldn’t be feared at all. Independence can give you such an intoxicating feeling that you might even not want to get married anymore. Try it.
Oh yeah, we always seem to neglect the people that love us most. Well, at least now you know, when all is said and done, and you lie on your back on the ground, guess who comes to pick you up? Your family.
Just my two cents.
Posted by Virus at May 4, 2007, 8:39 ami was in a relationship that lasted for two years, pretty long in my generation. i’m 19. i held off breaking up with him because i didn’t know what i would do without him too: who would take me home, buy me pads when i have an unscheduled period, lend me money when i overspend on clothes? and most of all, who would love me during those times when i could not love myself?
but i pulled through. life does not end when a relationship does no matter how it feels like as of the moment. there’s a whole new world ahead of you, without him. happiness is hard to find, but there is more than one place to look for it.
start inside.
Posted by liz at May 4, 2007, 10:09 amEy, I have nothing against you for asking him to live with you but I don’t really agree with it. Just imagine the risks you’ll be taking if you live with him outside marriage.
I’m sure you’ll get through all these. Please don’t take for granted the role of your family in your life. Your bf is just one person you never even know you’ll end up with, but your family will always be there. No matter how antagonistic they might be sometimes, but our family will never cease to support us. I’ve proven this a thousand times.
Just be glad that you have them. As with mr. loverboy, hmmm Perhaps, he wasn’t ready for the responsibilities that you’ll both carry when you live under one roof. Perhaps, it was all for the best. Be strong and you’ll soon be over it. There’s still a lot in store for you so cheer up! 
Hi, first of all don’t think that you are nothing without him.You didnt lose your entire life! I understand that he maybe the love of your life and most probably the reason why you’re still breathing.It doesnt have to be that way. You already laid all your cards for him and obviously he didn’t do anything about it. Honey,he is not ready for anything yet.And you cant ask anything from a person who is not ready.And remeber if you push things…the answer will always be NO. I am also nursing a broken heart, and a friend of mine told me that, we should stare at the photo not the painting. Photo mirrors reality while painting is the product of our imagination. If he said No, move forward. Its really hard to move on.He doesnt deserve you.I also thought I would be nothing without him, but I am still here,surviving,and has become a better and wiser person.Use the experience in your advantage and before you know it,you’ll find beauty in all the things around you. Now, if he comes back to you, will you still take him back when you know for a fact that he is not ready to give you the comittment that you really liked? Your relationship will be on the same cycle. You will always have the same problems… you asking him something but he cant because he is not ready.Why settle for someone who is not ready? Stare at the photo not the painting.
Posted by dyan at May 7, 2007, 9:54 pmWhy do you want to move in with him in the first place? Did you ever think of that? Maybe, you got your priorities wrong and it so happened that it’s not aligned with his. Thus, it didn’t work. No matter how many years you’ve been together, if both of you can’t seem to compromise or at least look at the same direction, with all your differences, then it’s much better to let it all go. Rather than spending another couple more years with him only to experience the same (mis)adventure. But then again, these are just my thoughts.
About your question, “If you’re girlfriend is in my shoes, would you move in with her? Am i just being too demanding and aggressive?”, I was the aggressive and demanding girlfriend and I did ask Peter to move in with me. I was just lucky that we both have the same values and principles (plus same levels of libido) that’s why he was able to convince his mom that he’ll be living with me. To each his own. Someday, you’ll find the one that’s right for you. have faith.
Posted by Sexy Nomad at May 12, 2007, 2:02 pm
Ah. Yes, you do have something even without Loverboy. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Loverboy is only part of your life and not your entire life. I don’t want to say this but from what i read, you have become dependent to your Loverboy. Stop. Don’t be.You need to be strong for yourself now that he’s gone. I cannot say if you did the right thing or not. Maybe. Maybe not for you but maybe yes for him. vice versa. Its a trick question actually. But if this “breakup” would lead to growth, then this could be the right thing. (Even the right thing can hurt sometimes) On the other hand, i think your persistence in insisting your BF to move in with you is a result of your dependence to him. Subconsciously, what you’re asking is a security countermeasure. Assurance. Blanket. It’s a very big responsibility. And the reality is, not all people can give and live that responsibility yet. For example, Loverboy. Maybe he’s also scared. Nevertheless, you should always learn from the experience. You have your family. Especially your dad whom you have had issues in the past. You have proven that they care and love you..more than what you expect. 
The more pressing question is, what will you do if Mr. Loverboy asks you back? How you will entertain the idea will determine your future. Just be sure in making your decisions, you input everything you have learned. I hope you can get through this.
Posted by wits at May 3, 2007, 12:11 pm