stay out of my life

this one is for my ex.

Please. Dont bother my friends anymore. I understand that you have no friends because you spent 17 years of your life in a monastery. But THEY are my friends. And you have no right to bug them. Have some shame. Go out and find your own set of friends. Step out of your pathetic circle and meet people. Trust me, it feels fucking good.

Deep Shit

Man, I'm in deep shit.

Couple of days ago, my landlady told me that her daughter is gonna use the space that I'm renting, and that I have to move out in June. Hey, no worries, right? There are a million of apartments in the metro. Still, my habitat was threatened, and I got worried. So, being the damsel in distress that I am, I ran to Mr. Loverboy.

Now, I told you that Mr. Loverboy is ultra conservative. Read my second entry if you must.

I told Mr. Loverboy that when I move into a new apartment, I want him to move in with me. After all, we've been steadies for more than half a decade, and I've been in Manila for four years now. Know what Mr. Loverboy said? We can't live together under one roof unless we get married. And I said, fine we'll get married, but for once, samahan mo naman ako mamuhay dito.

Of course, his "values" prevailed, he was very firm in telling me no can do. And to cut this bullshit short, I broke up with him last night. And I don't know if I did the right thing. He's the only one I have here… except for a handful of relatives and friends.

I was so sad last night, I rang up my daddy and told him that we have broken up. I was prepared to hear him say, I Told You So, but he said, I'll be on the next plane this saturday. And that even made me sadder. I am so ashamed of what I did, choosing Mr. Loverboy over my family. And Now, I'm done with him, I move my ass back to my family. I am sooo not worth of their love and concern.

And then suddenly, my cell kept on beeping messages and ringing endlessly. My father alerted the entire clan about the break up. Distant relatives offered refuge. Even my sister whom I don't really care about called me! I was overwhelmed.

And today, I woke up… and the first thought was: What the fuck have I done???

I am suddenly so scared… I have nothing without Mr. Loverboy. In the first place, he's the very reason why my fat ass is here in Manila. What will I do without him? How will I go on? Makakaya ko ba ito? Pano na ako bukas, sa sabado, linggo??

Friends, did I do the right thing? If you're girlfriend is in my shoes, would you move in with her? Am i just being too demanding and aggressive?

I need your answers and opinion. Thank you.

Tattoo

Back when I was still in college, I promised myself that I will get a tattoo after graduation day. Just a small tattoo, 1 inch x 1 inch. Enter Mr. Loverboy… he doesn't like tattooes, and he thinks girls with tattooes are icky and dirty. Of course, being the love strucked woman that I am, getting a tattoo flew out the window of my soul. BUT. There are nights that I couldn't sleep because the desire to have one is so strong it could knock me off balance. It's been four years since Graduation Day, and not a dot of ink has touched me.

One of my friends just got one the other day. I was the one who convinced her that it's alright to get inked. When I found out that she got one, I nearly died of envy. There are rats inside me that kicked and screamed, Get One! Get One! They all said.

So… I confronted Mr. Loverboy. I told him, in his face, that I will get a tattoo no matter what he says. With puppy dog eyes, he said: If that's what you really want, go ahead. ( I really hope that there are no strings attached to this!)

YAFUCKINGHOO!!!

I'm thinking of having a fairy near my right shoulder blade…

How about you? Any thoughts on people with tattoes?

Turn me loose

a little bit grumpy today. wasn't able to sleep well, and a thought just popped up.

I came from the visayas, and four years ago, I hauled my ass to Manila. Because of a boy… what people would do for love, right? Ha! We've been together for two years then and I felt that he's worth all the trouble. After all, he is *this* close to a Saint… i kid you not.

anyway… last month was my four year anniv here in Manila My Manila… and maybe you'd think that me and Mr. Loverboy are now living together, right? well, hang on to that chair coz I have this to say: Mr. Loverboy is scared of hell, so we're not yet living together. We don't even fuck yet. I kid you not!!! I am very vocal of what I want, but nooooo, Mr. Loverboy won't have any of that immoralities. Ha!

So, I live in this tiny apartment, and Mr. Loverboy would just come and go. We're like high school sweethearts for fuck's sake, and I want to move on. You know what I mean: live together, sleep together, have sex just like any normal couples, wake up together….

Honestly, I want to end things with Mr. Loverboy, but I'm scared. I've gotten fat over time, and I'm scared that no one will like me. Boo fucking hoo. Pretty stupid right?

What do you think?